HELPING THE HOME TO HAPPINESS
#105 HELPING THE HOME TO HAPPINESS
Scripture Orig. 5/2/65 (5/77)
Genesis 2:18-24 NIV Rewr. 6/18/87
Passage: Genesis 2:18-24 18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam[a] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[b] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[c] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
I Corinthians 7:3-5 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Purpose: On the occasion of Father’s Day, urge my people to achieve a renewed understanding of the home as a unique spiritual blessing.
Keywords: Family Marriage Heritage Home
Introduction
We occasionally see stickers on cars identifying those within as participants in some marriage-meaning seminar. One of these stickers states, “We believe in marriage.” If one believes in God, and believes that He has spoken in His Word, then marriage is the fundamental human relationship.
What we read in Genesis 2 as the historic position of scripture, is found virtually unchanged when we read Paul’s interpretation found in I Corinthians 7. Clearly, Jesus saw it this way, and declared his teaching openly.
According to many social scientists, marriage is at a low point of esteem. 50% of all marriages end in divorce. The average span of a marriage is six to nine years, giving vent to what is called the “seven-year itch.” That’s another name for boredom based on acquired responsibility.
Don’t lose sight of the fact that in our 20th Century, sex has become a “sales” technique. Thus enter our salesperson counselors who advise solutions: “gracious living replaces the life of grace.” Instead of dealing with the problem, such counselors insist on a change of appearance, or wardrobe. The psychiatrist seeks the total dismantling of “guilt” insisting, “If it feels good, do it,” which in many cases is what we want to hear anyway.
The mandate upon the Christian in regard to marriage, is that God is the instigator of marriage, the molder of relationship, the magnifier of trust.
It is important that those who have weathered the winds of withdrawal, know Who has been their succor. As well, those who are facing uncertain days of threatened dissolution, need to know that their marriage is worth saving, and to know Him, only, who can. And, finally, those who look ahead to such a social dilemma, might know that God still honors His Word, for those who are willing to live by it, and for those who do not.
I. Marriage is Founded upon a Unique Spiritual Heritage. Genesis 2:24 “. . . he shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.” I Corinthians 7:3 “The husband shall give to the wife what is her due as his wife; and so also the wife to the husband.”
Such marriage is of divine origin. Living Bible: God took the rib and made the woman, brought her to the man, who responded, “This is it!” Grace is always getting more than we either expect or deserve. One is impelled to see intended, physical consummation. Some say it is the “result of sin.” Others, that God allows it as an impediment.
Scripture points to a higher goal of intent. It was to be creative, intimate, relational—ever so much more than carnal expression. It is the ultimate proclamation of selflessness. The Greek has three words expressing love: carnal, familial, selfless. Proverbs 18:22 “Whoso finds a wife, finds a good thing.” Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled.”
Such physical consummation becomes spiritual between two people on harmonious spiritual terms. It is the belief that its beginning, and tenure, are of God, and it is the contentment that the relationship is its own ultimate goal.
I remember a story (Readers Digest, March 1977), “There Came a Cry of Joy” about an ornithologist and a sparrow hawk. He trapped it, but instead of penning it at the end of the day, felt impressed to release it. He opened his hands, and watched as the hawk soared upward. From far overhead he heard the cry of another bird. “I was young then, and had seen little of the world, but when I heard that cry, my heart turned over. It was not the cry of the hawk I had released. I was now seeing farther up . . . where she had been soaring . . . for untold hours. And from far up, ringing from peak to peak of the summit over us, came a cry of such unutterable and ecstatic joy that it sounds down across the years and tingles among the cups on a quiet breakfast table.”
To this divine origin is added parenthood. It is lagniappe, not biological, but spiritual, emotional. Note: Parents, your children are being brainwashed with ideas relating to sex that are promiscuous, unrealistic. Let them see in your marriage the bases for the divine image. Youth, when you buy the contemporary garbage of promiscuity as a worthwhile goal, you reduce the chances that you will ever be able to experience what God wills for you.
II. Uniquely Spiritual, Marriage is also Uniquely Human. Genesis 2:18 “And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make an helpmeet for him.” I Corinthians 7:4 “The wife no longer has full rights over her body, but shares them with her husband. So also, the husband with the wife.”
The Christian home is a respite of equals. Matthew 19:6 “They are no longer two, but one flesh.” These equals work together to define roles. Indeed, the husband is to be head of wife and home. Ron used “obey” for the wife, but merited it not written into the companion vow.
The vulnerable marriages, Christian as well, are those that become power struggles. Speaking tongue-in-cheek, the husband settles big issues and the wife the little ones: The wife decides where to live, school for children, vacation plans, etc. The husband decides when to reestablish trade relations with China; whether or not to support the Contras; if PTL really should have sold the doghouse.
Both must take serious interest in avoiding what brings grief to the other. Watchwords are communication, compromise, commitment.
A relationship of equals is based on spiritual values. It is this that is most easily mismanaged. It is not a question of how much or how deeply we love. Love is measured in terms of quality. We must be able to gauge where we ourselves are spiritually, and to find another in spiritual harmony. The last statistics seen call attention to a much higher level of marital success for those marrying above college age, perhaps twice as high. It is not the college degree as much as age maturity. Youth are clearly vulnerable. All must remember that nothing physical or material will last.
Love sonnet: Thomas Moore, 18th Century Irish poet, was married to beautiful Bessie Dykes, an actress. In 1811, while away, he found out from a friend that she had been stricken with a skin disease, leaving her disfigured. She dreaded his return. This poem preceded him:
“Believe me if all those endearing young charms, Which I gaze on so fondly today,
Were to change by tomorrow, and melt in my arms, Like fairy-gifts fading way,
Thou would still be adored, as this moment thou art, Let thy loveliness fade as it will.
And around the dear ruin each wish of my heart Would incline itself verdantly still.
It is not while beauty and youth are thine own, And thy cheeks unprofaned by a tear,
That the fervour and faith of a soul may be known, To which time will but make thee more dear!
No, the heart that has truly loved never forgets, But as truly loves on to the close;
As the sunflower turns on her god, when he sets, The same look which she turned when he rose.”
Others are as well vulnerable. Among them are those who have lost mates of special harmony. Marriage is not an end in itself. The key is always, “What God has joined together.” The solution is to allow the Spirit to lead.
The worst mistake in my life…. (***the remainder of this paragraph has been lost***).
What about the divorced? There are times when divorce or annulment are the only alternatives. That person has the right to marital happiness. The Christian must not ever take the easy way.
I came to know Wes Jackson in New Orleans. His wife had died, and he was dating a church lady. A friend, whose wife had walked out on his ministerial career, sympathized with him over the loss of his wife. “As strange as it may seem to you, I envy you. Not because your wife died, but because death is so final, while divorce is not. I know she’s out there somewhere, and I still care for her.”
III. For the Home to be Uniquely Christian, there Needs to be Grace to Accept Differences in Others’ Lives. The church performs in the role of extended family. Christ is the husband, the Church is the bride, and we are participants together in family.
Units within that family structure are going to differ. Marriage is the norm: the operating criteria for most of us. Single people are just as important to God. Marriage at any cost is not the answer. Making the most out of marriage is the answer for all married people. The church must stand ready to open its heart as well to those outside of traditional family, offering companionship, and a full sense of belonging.
Conclusion
Let me close, however, with a piece called “Practical Rules for a Happy Marriage.” “Never both be angry at the same time. Never talk at one another, either alone or in company. Never speak loudly to one another, unless the house is on fire. Let each one strive to yield most often to the wishes of the other. Let self-denial be the daily aim and practice of each. Never taunt with a past mistake. Neglect the whole world rather than one another. Never part for a day without loving words to remember. Never make a mean remark at the expense of the other. Never meet without a loving welcome. Never let the sun go down on any anger or grievance. Never forget the happy hours of early love. Never forget that marriage is ordained of God and that His blessings alone can make it what it ought to be. And you will be happy ever after.”
C.S. Lewis wrote in The Four Loves: “If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one. . . avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. . . . The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”
